I wish I could teleport
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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