Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
