Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
