..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
