I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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