if only i could text you this smell
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
