i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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