All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
