no, he came in my armpit
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
