I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
