Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
