I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
