This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
