five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
