she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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