Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
