I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just had sex on a roof
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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