He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
