last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
