im six kinds of drunk right now
i will never coherently bang her
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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