think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
