Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
