That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
