I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
