good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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