Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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