just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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