I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
