Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
