Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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