I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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