i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
