so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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