I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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