This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
