I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
