If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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