I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
