You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
