I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
