not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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