I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
