i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
