Im at strip club and am horny
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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