Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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