69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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