i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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