She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
