After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
