Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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