Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
