my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
